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Philosophy

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Losing Pieces of Ourselves

When we’re missing parts of ourselves, we lose our sense of compass, of direction.

What happens when we get messages like these… messages like, “Who you are is just not quite right”, or “Your energy is too big for us to handle,” or even, “You’re always the easy, low-drama one”, or “You’re so good at taking care of us.”

I think we can somehow shrink within our own skins, slowly or quickly disowning pieces of who we are:

“My energy is too much here, so I’ll just make it smaller.”

Or, “I’ll try to be myself, only different somehow.”

Or, “Maybe if I do and achieve enough, I’ll be indispensable and then I’ll be loved.”

Or, “Maybe if I exercise hard and take good care of everyone else, I won’t feel this need for connection anymore.”

We all form some of these kinds of beliefs and strategies—to one extent or another. We all find ways to shrink, expand, contort, or shape-shift… all to try to fit the needs of those around us.

Masters of Disguise

Paradoxically, we learn to be less of ourselves in the hope that others will embrace us more.

We become masters of disguise, building walls and forming costumes to fit the roles we hope will get us just a bit more acceptable (or a bit less trouble).

But when it works, and people embrace the “modified” us, it feels empty somehow… and sad.

How do we find who we are amidst all these disguises?

How do we do this connection thing… when our culture tells us, “Be independent!”, “It’s all up to you!”, and “You make your own reality!”

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Working toward Deep Connection

I work with you to facilitate deep connection (even when our culture seems to affirm the opposite).

When a client and I sit together, we get to know what parts of them went into hiding long ago…

The aspects that learned to be tough and strong…

The aspects that felt their needs never were quite met.

Being Human Together

I once participated in a forum where two women were struggling to connect. One was so used to being in an expert role that it was hard for her to let down her hackles. I don’t remember the conflict, but I vividly remember her struggling to let her guard down.

The other woman said one of the more beautiful invites I’ve heard, something to the effect of…

“Maybe if we keep talking about this openly, authentically, we can learn something about what it is to be human together.”

To be human together. It’s something we all seek. None of us is particularly equipped with “the answers.”

When I seem someone who claims to have the secret formula, I run! Although at one point, I remember how tantalizing I found these elusive answers!

Finding Answers and Our Genuine Selves

When we let ourselves be human together, we find our way to the answers.

Answers are easier to find when we finally feel free to inhabit our own emotions, our own thoughts, and our own skin.

Our genuine self is easier to find when we see genuine care reflected in the eyes of another, and we see ourselves being welcomed, delighted in, and affirmed.

All of who you are, what you think, and what you feel, can find welcome in this world.

Let’s be human and find answers together…

Call (541) 224-6732 today to set up a FREE 30-min consultation

Schedule your appointment online today.

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