My Commitments To You
- I will respond genuinely to you, to your words, and to the feelings beneath the words. The “blank screen” school of therapy believes that therapists ought to show nothing of their reactions or feelings to their clients. But if you’ve felt that other people aren’t genuinely there for you, a “blank screen” is the very last thing you need! I’ll be right here, and you’ll see it in my eyes and hear it in my tone. I’ll be right here with you.
- I won’t let your therapy drift. We check to see how you’re doing every session . And if you’re not doing well, I change something. I have even consulted with experts with worldwide reputation on behalf of my clients. Some people think therapy is an endless journey with no real destination, but not mine. Clients often stay with me for a long time. Because we keep seeing change as we continue to work together.
- Whether you’ve trusted unsafe people too quickly or you’ve struggled to trust anyone at all, I’ll do what I can to help you to gauge your own sense of trust and mistrust with me, and to honor your need to keep yourself safe.
- I will never ask you to keep a secret about our work together or anything that happens in it. What we talk about, what I say and do, everything about our work, is okay for you to discuss with anyone you want to.
- I’ll welcome your thoughts, your intelligence, your intuition, your feelings, and your feedback. Even though we work lots with emotions and with your body’s cues to go deeper, your thoughts will never be chased away. We’ll hold all of it together.
- I’ll welcome your whole range of feelings and reactions.
- I’ll show up for you. Whether you’re happy, mad, sad, ambivalent, or numb, I’ll be there.
- I’ll help you to avoid overwhelm and overload in therapy. You probably have some intense memories and feelings, and I can help you work with that stuff at a rate that works for you. A client of mine remarked, “I never thought anyone could help me access this monster of emotions and memories I’m holding in and also help me stay with myself and feel safe.” I’ll work to help you do that.
- I’ll honor all the different parts of you. Maybe you’re in a difficult relationship, and a part of you wants to leave, and a part of you feels very attached to the person you’re in the relationship with. I’ll honor both parts. Maybe a part of you wants to be in therapy, and a part of you just wants to get the heck outta there! Good therapy will help you to honor both parts.
- I won’t do all the talking, and I won’t leave you to do all the talking! What we do together will be interactive.
- I will share with you what I know that can be helpful to you. No “Mystery knowlege” or “Mystery techniques” happening here! Understanding the effects of trauma, ways to counter shame, and why your reactions make sense are all helpful pieces of therapy that help to deymystify what you’re feeling and what’s happening for you. In some ways, I’m like a consultant to you, sharing information to help you to gain expertise about yourself so that you can move forward.
- I’ll help you to find the sense of space and/or closeness you need in order to find your own thoughts, needs, and feelings.
- I’ll acknowledge it when I think I’m wrong. (And still keep an open mind when I’m pretty darn sure I’m right!).
When looking for a counselor, use the list above to notice which things resonate with you. When you interview a counselor, avoid seeing a therapist just because they’re covered by your insurance, or they’re close by. Take care with your healing, and find someone you connect with. Someone to really share with. Someone you can cry in front of, fight with, say no to, and ask for more from. Neither their Olympian detachment nor yours helps.
Therapists need flexibility as well as relatability. A therapist who you can connect with who knows several ways to help you to move forward is preferable to a therapist who knows just one. Ask a prospective therapist questions, and listen to your feelings, your thoughts, and your intuitions, as well as to their answers.
And if these commitments sound good to you and you’d like to explore working with me, you can set up your initial consultation here.