Philosophy

Losing pieces of ourselves

Most of us have gotten messages that tell us we’re somehow less than… messages like, “Who you are is just not quite right”,
or “Your energy is too big for us to handle,” or even, “You’re always the easy, low-drama one”, or
“You’re so good at taking care of us.”

Shrinking within, or shapeshifting
I think we can somehow shrink within our own skins, slowly or quickly disowning pieces of who we are:
“My energy is too much here, so I’ll just make it smaller.”
Or, “I’ll try to be myself, only different somehow.”
Or, “Maybe if I do and achieve enough, I’ll be indispensable and then I’ll be loved.”
Or, “Maybe if I exercise hard and take good care of everyone else, I won’t feel this need for connection
anymore.”
We all form some of these kinds of beliefs and strategies—to one extent or another. We all find ways to
shrink, expand, contort, or shape-shift… all to try to fit the needs of those around us.


Masters of Disguise
Paradoxically, we learn to be less of ourselves in the hope that others will embrace us more.
We become masters of disguise, building walls and forming costumes to fit the roles we hope will get us
just a bit more acceptable (or a bit less trouble).
But when it works, and people embrace the “modified” us, it feels empty somehow… and sad.
How do we find who we are amidst all these disguises?
How do we do this connection thing… when our culture tells us, “Be independent!”, “It’s all up to you!”,
and “You make your own reality!”

Working toward Deep Connection
I work with you to facilitate deep connection (even when our culture seems to affirm the opposite).

When a client and I sit together, we get to know what parts of them went into hiding long ago…
The aspects that learned to be tough and strong…
The aspects that felt their needs never were quite met.
Being Human Together
I once participated in a forum where two women were struggling to connect. One was so used to being
in an expert role that it was hard for her to let down her hackles. I don’t remember the conflict, but I
vividly remember her struggling to let her guard down.
The other woman said one of the more beautiful invites I’ve heard, something to the effect of…
“Maybe if we keep talking about this openly, authentically, we can learn something about what it is to be
human together.”


To be human together. It’s something we all seek. None of us is particularly equipped with “the
answers.”
When I seem someone who claims to have the secret formula, I run! Although at one point, I remember
how tantalizing I found these elusive answers!


Finding Answers and Our Genuine Selves
When we let ourselves be human together, we find our way to the answers.
Answers are easier to find when we finally feel free to inhabit our own emotions, our own thoughts, and
our own skin.
Our genuine self is easier to find when we see genuine care reflected in the eyes of another, and we see
ourselves being welcomed, delighted in, and affirmed.
All of who you are, what you think, and what you feel, can find welcome in this world.

The power in the here and now:

As you share, I’ll sit with you and help you to find your emotions, your vitality, your self. We’ll find you by paying close attention to you moment to moment, being compassionate and curious together and noticing where you connect and where you disconnect. I’ll help you discover your “defaults” and help you come back, again and again, to true deep connection with your true self.
Let’s be human and find answers together… set up an appointment today on my work with me page. I can’t wait to connect with you and to help you rediscover precious places in you that got disowned.